That’s the plan, Stan

I had my first appointment with the RE on Thursday afternoon, and it went well. This doctor is the no-nonsense, get-down-to-business kind of doctor, but truthfully, that’s what I prefer in a doctor. I don’t really need the hand-holding from a doctor, just their medical expertise. The waiting room was nearly empty (just one other patient), but I got signed in and was called back within probably 10 minutes (right at my appointment time, as I’d arrived 10 minutes early). I was taken by The Nurse to a comfortable room that had two loveseats and a couple other chairs. She asked me some follow-up questions after looking at my registration forms, then took my blood pressure before leaving. The doctor came in about five minutes later.

He got right down to business, asking some more follow-up questions after looking at my paperwork and talking about a plan of action. Obviously we’re not the first patients paying 100% out of pocket (the office staff confirmed yet again that I have zero infertility coverage, but this was not a surprise), so he was good about presenting my most cost-effective options.

Some highlights:

• I had blood taken to check for antibodies, thyroid, prolactin, and CBC. I should be able to call on Monday to get those results.

• He doesn’t think my tubes are blocked, so he agreed with The OB/GYN and we’ll hold off on an HSG for now.

• We will move on to IUI next month, doing 100 mg Clomid on CD3-7, monitoring before ovulation (though I’ll still also do OPKs), then an hCG trigger. We’ll do this for probably 3 cycles, then see if we want to do an HSG before proceeding. We will talk about injectibles then.

• I can take baby aspirin if I want. (I’ll ponder this one. I bruise easily enough as it is and I don’t have any confirmed clotting disorders, so it’s not completely necessary that we know of.)

• He said progesterone supplementation isn’t proven in IUIs but can’t hurt, so I chose to get that.

• The Husband will still go for his urologist appointment on Tuesday. If there is a fixable issue, it would be worthwhile to take care of it to increase the chances of success with IUI. The RE also agrees that this likely isn’t where the problem lies, but since we have the appointment already, it’s worth pursuing.

That’s all I know. Now I’m just waiting to get started, probably in a couple of weeks.

In high esteem

I know the big movement in parenting is to go away from saying to your child things like, “I’m so proud of you” and toward things like, “You should be so proud of yourself” in an effort (among other things) to instill self-esteem, show that your love for your child doesn’t hinge as much on what they do and their actual accomplishments as it does on the person they are, and to make sure your child’s motivation for doing things isn’t solely to gain approval from others.

I get that to a degree, but you know what? In a way it feels kind of lame to take myself out of it completely. Why *can’t* I be proud of things my daughter does (and let her know that)? Why *can’t* I sometimes praise the end result instead of praising the process like I “should”? That just seems like it’s the direction it’s going, instead of maybe finding a balance and incorporating the two.

I know as an adult, it’s great to be proud of myself for doing something, but I also want others to share in it and be proud of me too. When others aren’t proud of something you’ve done, it gives your self-esteem a hit because it feels like people don’t understand the value in your accomplishment. You’ve worked hard to reach your end result, and it’s nice for both the hard work along the way and the end result to be recognized. Otherwise you feel almost dismissed and brushed aside, even if you know you’re proud of yourself.

A good adult example that I can relate to is with long-distance running. I am 100% proud of myself for accomplishing what I have — completing a half marathon and currently training for another one — and that’s the main thing that drives me in that pursuit. But it’s such a downer to tell someone you’ve run a half marathon and get a reaction of, “OMG, I’d never do it, but good for you” as opposed to, “Wow, that’s awesome! Great job! That must have been hard to finish!” Dealing with others not saying they are proud of you makes it eat into your self-esteem and self-confidence and you eventually start questioning whether maybe you ARE nuts.

I think self-esteem comes both from yourself and from others’ perceptions of you and their feedback of your accomplishments, especially in young children, who look to their parents for cues and reactions and aren’t born with an inherent sense of self-esteem. Maybe it’s not the “right” way to go about it (according to parenting “experts,” at least), but the approach I hope to take along the way is to show my child that she should value herself and her accomplishments — and show her that she is also valued by others, both for the things she does and the path she took to get there.

Wordless Wednesday: The better kind of tubes

All I really need to know in life I learned from my 3yo

*It’s okay to feel the strong emotions you’re feeling, then just move on and forget about it. Sometimes not lingering on the negative is best for everyone.

*A little bit of silly goes a long way. What’s the point in being so serious all the time?

*Curling up with your dog makes everything better.

*Sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.

*Just because the dog doesn’t want to wear your sunglasses doesn’t mean that you should quit trying.

*The best toys are those everyday objects that were not intended to be toys at all.

*Saying hi to strangers is a great way to perk up someone else’s day (and maybe even your own).

*Sometimes you have to learn things for yourself, and sometimes you have to learn them the hard way. And sometimes that involves physical or emotional pain along the way.

*Other stuff (like chores) can wait until later, but you don’t get back the current moment, so do your best to enjoy it now.

*Build in plenty of time to play in each day. It’s good for your physical development/fitness. It’s good for your mental/brain development. It’s good for building and reinforcing relationships.

*Ask questions. And then ask more questions. Never settle for a simple answer if you’re not happy with the answer. Delve further into it until your curiosity is satisfied.

Actually, it’s backwards

One of Baby B’s favorite words for a while now has been “actually,” so she corrects and clarifies us (and others) on stuff all the time. (I’m a copy editor, so I like to joke that I passed this on to her.)

Her teacher told me of this conversation this week:

Teacher: “[Baby B], what did your mommy make for dinner last night?”

Baby B: (pause) “Well, actually, my DADDY made our dinner last night.” (We alternate weeks cooking.)

Teacher: “Oh yeah? Well I’d like to come to your house for dinner. But I’m afraid [your dog] might bite me.”

Baby B: (pause) “Actually, he’d probably lick you all over.”

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Last week at daycare she wanted to put her hooded coat on backwards when we were leaving. I wasn’t going to let her do it (um, that’s not how you wear coats, right?), so I asked her why she wanted to do it. She gave me two very good reasons: “If I fall down in the snow, then the snow won’t get in my face, and also so the sun won’t get in my eyes on the way home.”

Hrm, well, those are actually pretty good reasons. So I figured why NOT let her put her coat on backwards on the way home from daycare? Was it going to hurt anything? Not that I could figure, so I let her do it. 🙂

Bitch session

So I was surprised to have this conversation with the kids at daycare yesterday:

Short-Haired Girl: “[Potty Mouth] said BITCH!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Short-Haired Girl: “[Potty Mouth] said bitch.”

Potty Mouth: “Bitch.”

Teacher: “[Potty Mouth], we don’t say words like that.”

Me (to Short-Haired Girl and Baby B, keeping low key and not making a big deal about it): “When she says words like that that aren’t very nice, just don’t pay attention. Pretend she didn’t even say it.”

Potty Mouth: “Bitch.”

Short-Haired Girl: “She said bitch.”

Baby B: “[Potty Mouth] said bitch.”

Short-Haired Girl’s Grandmother (totally freaking out): “You do NOT say that word! That is a nasty word!! And we never say it!!”

[sigh]  So much for trying to take the low-key approach. I was trying not to bring any more attention to the word by freaking out about it, as kids tend to test boundaries more when they find something that pushes your buttons, but obviously Grandma here didn’t get that memo.

This isn’t the first time we’ve had issues with Potty Mouth. She’s also the one who taught the class to say, “Shut up!” and other rude interjections. She’s a constant biter and hitter. Now, as background, she comes from a foster family home, and I’m told that her family of origin was not a good situation, but how long do we keep excusing her behavior because of her background, and at what point should she (and her foster family) be responsible for her actions and words? That’s a tough call, as I know firsthand what it’s like to be the parent of a biter, and I know that it’s not always something you can control no matter how much you work on it with them. I’m definitely one to give the benefit of the doubt, but my patience is wearing thin with Potty Mouth.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that Potty Mouth shut Baby B’s fingers in the door to the potty room yesterday right after I got there (before the “bitch” conversation)? She should not have had her fingers there (which hopefully she’s learned), but Potty Mouth should also not shut fingers in doors. We told Baby B that it was an accident, and Baby B insisted it was on purpose. I didn’t see it myself (my back was turned at the moment it happened), so I can’t say for sure either way, but I would not be surprised if Baby B was right.

I’ve got my eye on you, kid. What a bitch.

Re: the RE

I had my latest consultation with The OB/GYN yesterday morning. I brought my most recent charts and we talked about how the four Clomid cycles went (seemed to help with ovulation and luteal phase, even if not successfully leading to pregnancy, and he said the timing was good), then he looked more closely at The Husband’s semen analysis. His numbers were within the range of normal for the most part, although morphology and motility were on the lower side of normal, and before he’d said that it wasn’t anything he was concerned about.

He said he’s still not concerned, but since we haven’t conceived with Clomid, he wants to maybe take a closer look at that next, so he’s sending The Husband to a urologist for testicular evaluation (checking for varicocele, hydrocele, etc.) and would recommend having that fixed (if present) before proceeding. He also should have a hormone evaluation and probably another semen analysis. He goes for that appointment next week, on February 24. There may or may not be something worth exploring here, but it’s good to look into it more, as it’s noninvasive and should be covered with The Husband’s insurance.

After that, The OB/GYN said he’d recommend going to IUI next, which I told him I was comfortable with. He gave me the option of continuing that with him or getting a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist, so I went ahead with The RE. I figure out of pocket is out of pocket, whether we’re paying The OB/GYN or The RE, so it’s probably best to work with someone who does this all the time and is more up on the current literature and studies compared to The OB/GYN (well, most OB/GYNs, not specifically mine). Also someone who has the flexibility to do this on the weekends as needed. The OB/GYN said he’d recommend getting to the RE if we ever would consider doing IVF. It’s not a possibility right now due to financial reasons, but there may be a way we could make that happen if it came to it (we still have to look further into it), so there were several reasons I thought it was a good time to make the switch. We still have to keep finances in mind and can’t go all in like we might want, but we should have enough saved in The Husband’s HSA to cover a few IUI cycles (and some testing if the RE prefers to do those that we skipped first).

I called for an appointment, expecting it to take a while to get in, but thankfully I’m set for next Thursday afternoon, the 25th. That’ll be CD16, so seems like it might be still within the realm of possibility to move forward with something next cycle. Not sure whether it would be testing or treatment, but it seems like we can move forward with something.

I’m feeling fine about the next steps, but still sometimes looking around and wondering how the heck we got here.

Wordless Wednesday: Girl’s best friend

We wear short pants

Baby B has some pants that she’s outgrown lengthwise, so we don’t have her wear them outside of the house, but they’re perfectly good pants that are perfect for wearing around the house. I had such a pair on her last week on one of the days that I was home with her due to her fever.

At one point she told me she was cold, so I helped her put on her robe, and that helped her for a bit, but then she said, “Mommy, I’m still cold.” Then her voice turned almost exasperated as she shivered: “My legs are cold…and these pants aren’t EVEN long enough to keep me warm!”

Oops. Busted!

Not very RAD

Baby B still hadn’t kicked her fever by Thursday morning, so The Husband took her to the doctor that morning. They first suspected pneumonia, but she had a nebulizer treatment that perked her up immediately, so they did not do an x-ray and gave a diagnosis of a generic virus that was then agitated by her reactive airway disease. A strep test was negative, and her ears looks great. They came home with an antibiotic (just in case) and a steroid to take for five days. She was much better by Friday morning, so she was able to return to daycare on Friday, which I was thankful for because I needed a break after spending all week home with a sick kid.

Of course, the break was pretty short because daycare closed early today due to a snowstorm going through the area. So I busted my butt to get my work done in the morning and then picked her up around noon. We went home and spent some time together, she helped me shovel the driveway and sidewalks, then I attempted to get her to take a nap. It was a big fail for about an hour and a half, but after that she finally went to sleep with me and slept for about 2 hours.  Not too bad considering she doesn’t nap at home for us anymore.

On a semi-related note, I am so sick of snow this year. We haven’t gotten dumped on in mass like a lot of areas (knock on wood), but we keep getting 4-5 inches about every 4-5 days or so, which is a decent amount for around here and is enough to mess up the roads each time. But we’ll have one bit of snow melt only to have yet another storm on the way a few days later to put us right back where we were. I love snow if I don’t have to be out in it, but it’s a pain when it involves driving on the roads and having to shuffle work duties because of daycare delays/closures. At this rate we’re going to have snow on the ground for my race in late March (which is possible here, though not typically likely).

Cope a feel

I hesitated about when to start talking about trying for mythical child #2 on the blog, because I thought for sure that as soon as I said something about it, that very next cycle I would be pregnant and would seem silly for even bringing it up.

Unfortunately, I learned yesterday that the above scenario will not play out, and we’re now moving on to cycle #14. I’ve got a consultation with my ob/gyn on the 17th to discuss what we’re going to do next, though it won’t be in time to do anything medically this cycle. I’m okay with this, as it’s the last bit of time before my half marathon in late March, so I can continue to prepare for it without guilt.  I’m not sure what direction he’ll recommend, but some options could include an HSG and/or CD3 blood work (since we skipped both of those for financial reasons before Clomid), or just moving on to IUI. I’m trying to keep an open mind about it, though will certainly go into it knowledgeable about my options.

Seeing yet another cycle come and go has made me think even more about my coping mechanisms during all of this. I think I’m actually dealing with things pretty well — having Baby B and just a fun family life in general is certainly a good distraction — but it doesn’t hurt to occasionally assess my coping strategies to determine how well they’re working for me. I seem to have three main coping mechanisms:

1. Physical activity. For the most part it’s been running, but with my shin issues I’ve had to focus more on the elliptical, bike, and weight machines at the gym, and I must say that I LOVE those things. Like, this is how I should feel about running but just never have. Doing any of these physical activities (even running!) is just a good physical release for any frustrations I feel, so I’m very glad I’m able to channel that into something positive. I might not be where I want, but I feel strong, and that takes you a long way.

2. Letting myself feel my negative emotions. Usually on the day I start a new cycle, I’m pretty pissed off. Everything sucks, why isn’t it my turn, why does everyone else get what they want and I don’t, etc. But I’ve found that it’s best to let myself feel that anger, frustration, and sometimes hopelessness — and then I can better move on. Come day 2 of the cycle, I’ve gotten it out of my system and can better move forward to the next one. It’s the same thing when someone has “passed” me and has become pregnant with child #2 either as a surprise or within a very short amount of time, especially if they started trying after  us. It’s not that I’m unhappy for them, but it makes me sad for myself and I find myself wondering why I can’t be there too. So I let myself get pissed off about so-and-so getting pregnant on the first try…then once I get out those negative emotions, I’m able to move on and (generally) be happy for the person. I’m not sure I could do that as easily if I didn’t just accept my negative feelings about it.

3. Planning trips. This one is a little different, and I’m not completely sure why I do this, but when I find out a cycle has failed, I always feel the urge to go to Expedia and plot out trips to various places. Sometimes I follow through on those itineraries (hence the many trips we took in 2009!), and sometimes I just like to make itineraries that I know aren’t realistically possible (usually because of financial constraints), but I let myself pretend that it would be feasible. I think partly I do this because it gives me something to look forward to (especially when I really do plan a trip out of it) and gives me something to distract from all the waiting. I think it’s also along the lines of “HA! I couldn’t do THIS trip as easily with a tiny newborn!” and helping me accept our family status as it is right now.

Each person’s coping mechanisms are different, and what works for one person might not work for another. But I think the most important thing is having some coping mechanism — and some good distractions — in place to get through this challenging time, since I don’t know whether it’ll take another month or many, many months. As of right now, I feel like I’m in a good place with it.

Wordless Wednesday: Curly girly

Cough, cough

Well, we had a nice three-month break from illness in our house, so that’s pretty good for us considering how things went this past fall. So far this hasn’t been too bad — just a cough and occasionally a fever — but I’ve taken off Monday and Tuesday to keep Baby B home and help her get better. Unlike some other times, this actually wasn’t too bad of a time to take time off, so I’ve enjoyed this time at home so far. Baby B is in a good mood and not acting too sick, so we’ve had a fun time overall — and I have to admit that I wasn’t too eager to venture out into the snow that hit here overnight anyway.

Just want to be in the running

So I’m at the end of week 5 of my 12-week training program for the half marathon, and I wish I could report things have been going better. I overdid it a bit during week 2 and ended up having some shin soreness that escalated to the point that I had to take off week 4 completely in order to heal. Thankfully I know better than to run through the pain — it doesn’t fix anything, slows down the healing, and this isn’t important enough to ruin my body over — so I began running again this week and felt great for the first three runs. I even felt great after that third one and thought I was good, but then a few hours after the run my right leg started hurting right on the lower shin. It looks like I need to skip my long run tomorrow (though may do the elliptical or bike at the gym if those aren’t painful so I can at least get a workout in).

I keep telling myself that it’s not a big deal. That if I need to walk the entire race, I can do that. That I only decided to do this because it’s the first such race in my city. That it’s not like I’d ever planned to better my time from Indy, instead taking a more laid-back approach to training.

And all that is true.

But… (you knew there was a but, right?)

It’s just frustrating to have the drive and desire to do something, but then you encounter physical challenges that hold you back from reaching your intended goal. Only so much is within your power, so when those physical issues come up and there’s not much you can do, it’s challenging. You feel like you don’t have control. You sometimes have trouble seeing other people succeed in the way you want to.

Hrm, where have I heard that before?

Oh yeah. With having trouble TTC #2. Hrm. Interesting.

Not such a good thing to have that parallel since one of the reasons I did decide to train was as a distraction from TTC. Looks like that backfired a bit. 🙂

But, as with most things, I’ll push on in both realms and do my best to succeed. The definition of success may be a little different now, but in the end, that doesn’t really matter as long as I tried my best and hopefully reached the end goal.

Wordless Wednesday: The family that works out together stays healthy together

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That’s one explanation, I suppose

A couple nights ago, we were reading a Berenstain Bears book called The Trouble With Money, where Brother and Sister learn they need to stop their spend-happy ways. A picture on one of the pages shows Sister holding her piggy bank upside-down with the last coin spilling out of it. Baby B asked, “What’s she doing?” One of my favorite things to do is turn the question back to her and ask what she thinks — you never know what kind of answer you’re going to get! — so I did that here.

I loved the very serious answer I got:

“I think she is sticking her hand in the piggy bank, and then it BROKEDED, and then she cut her hand, and then it was BLEEDING, and then they had to go to the HOSPITAL, and then it was all better.”

I was following along, saying, “Uh-huh” with each bit of new information along the way, then she broke me by the end and I let out a laugh.

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Baby B’s teacher said that most of the other kids in the class cry immediately when they fall down or hurt themselves. (Understandable. I might do that too, and I’m much older than they are.) But she said Baby B usually is stunned for a few seconds, then gets up and says, “Don’t worry, I’m okay!”

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I love to see what kinds of phrases Baby B picks up as a direct result of listening to me talk and then puts into use herself. So I’m quite amused at her latest addition, “of course.” I say it to her all the time. If she asks for help with something, I’ll say, “Of course I can!” So now she’s taken that on herself. If we ask her to do something, she’ll excitedly say, “Of COURSE I can!” It’s so nice to hear that since we deal with her being contrary quite a bit of the time. 🙂

Aren’t you going to eat your peas, Neighbor?

I finished Positive Discipline for Preschoolers over the weekend, and I still think it’s a style that fits well with my parenting beliefs. I wouldn’t say I learned anything groundbreaking, per se, but it did provide some food for thought along the way as well as reinforcement of the beliefs I do have.

One issue it addressed is picky eating, which I actually think we have under control at our house. Baby B is still picky with her food, but we try not to get on her case about eating it. We make her a healthy dinner, usually what we’re having but sometimes a well-liked favorite we know she’ll eat if we think she might be unsure about our dinner, and then it’s up to her to make the choice whether or not to eat it. Chances are pretty good she won’t starve if she has just a few bites of her dinner.

But even though this isn’t a current issue in our house, it was still interesting to read about it, especially knowing what we know now. One great point I thought it brought up: Stop and think about how your talk to your child during dinner…and compare that to how you would talk to a neighbor who comees to your house for dinner. Would you say such things as:

“Come on, I’d like you to at least try it.”

“Are you going to take a bite of your mashed potatoes or your peas first?”

“Just five more bites and then you can be done.”

Chances are pretty good that you’d never say such things to your dinner guest, so they’re probably not appropriate for children. Positive Discipline emphasizes giving children respect so they return respect to you, and this method of getting young children to eat just begs for a power struggle. With a dinner guest, you would make a tasty dinner to offer, but you would not micromanage the choices your neighbor made after that. Yes, children are different from adults and do need some specific instruction from time to time, but isn’t the ultimate goal a respectful relationship with your child and a healthy association with food for your child?

Like I said, I think we’ve got the food thing under control in our house, but I thought it was an interesting way of looking at the situation.